well i got my answer . . . sort of.
as i mentioned in my last post, i have been thinking about the decisions at hand . . .
i feel as though i am in a spiritual wrestling match. i don't know whose winning . . . or if there is even to be a winner. i lay my frustrations, doubts and wandering thoughts at His feet . . . then carry them for a while again, only to bring them back to Him in exhaustion.
But He answered me in my foolishness. He gave me this : "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)
at first i simply looked up at Him and said,
"excuse me?"
that was hardly the answer i was wanting . . . though the one that i have come to expect.
the Lord began to speak to me about this already in the summer, and now i realize that He was only preparing me for everything ahead. however, i was still hoping for a specific direction, a plan, or a purposeful assignment. we always like those, right? but in a funny little way, waiting is the most direct, all-consuming, life assignment. It means surrendering my every word, my every thought, every breath and action . . . to His will. His direction.
eek.
I read something in my devotional the other day, and He really spoke to me through it. funny how God uses all these little thing in our lives to drill a lesson into our heads. He's pretty good at it, ja?
as i mentioned in my last post, i have been thinking about the decisions at hand . . .
i feel as though i am in a spiritual wrestling match. i don't know whose winning . . . or if there is even to be a winner. i lay my frustrations, doubts and wandering thoughts at His feet . . . then carry them for a while again, only to bring them back to Him in exhaustion.
But He answered me in my foolishness. He gave me this : "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." (Psalm 27:14)
at first i simply looked up at Him and said,
"excuse me?"
that was hardly the answer i was wanting . . . though the one that i have come to expect.
the Lord began to speak to me about this already in the summer, and now i realize that He was only preparing me for everything ahead. however, i was still hoping for a specific direction, a plan, or a purposeful assignment. we always like those, right? but in a funny little way, waiting is the most direct, all-consuming, life assignment. It means surrendering my every word, my every thought, every breath and action . . . to His will. His direction.
eek.
I read something in my devotional the other day, and He really spoke to me through it. funny how God uses all these little thing in our lives to drill a lesson into our heads. He's pretty good at it, ja?
"Peter said to Him, 'Lord, why can I not follow You now?'" (John 13:37)
There are times when you can't understand why you cannot do what you want to do. When God brings a time of waiting, and appears to be unresponsive, don't fill it with busyness, just wait. The time of waiting may come to teach you the meaning of sanctification - to set apart from sin and made holy - or it may come after the process of sanctification has begun to teach you what service means. Never run before God gives you His direction. If you have the slightest doubt, then He is not guiding. Whenever there is doubt -- wait.
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