hydrogen peroxide

i have been thinking back lots to my childhood these past couple of days - sorting through memories, relearning lessons, and learning new ones.

fond memories of pretending to be ducky from the Land Before Time, and squealing in delight as my dad chased us around the house. or being held by my mama. or making up dances with my sister and pretending we owned businesses . . . and yes, i suppose there are good memories with my brothers too :) as there are good memories, i have stumbled across memories that bring a sad smile to my face. you know, the kind that either make you hang your head in shame, or shake it in disbelief . times when i have trusted, and shouldn't have. times when i have stayed, and should have walked away. times when i should've spoke up, but i chose to be silent. and so many times when i should have run to the Lord, but in my shame i hid. memories are sweet . . . whether good or bad.

do you remember the sting of hydrogen peroxide on an open wound?
i know that you're not clean a wound like that anymore (as my nurse sister likes to remind me), but i can still remember that feeling so clearly. to fall, scrape your knee, tumble on the gravel, or fall flat out on your face . . . then in the midst of tears,you grimace, screech and gasp at the burning feeling of the hydrogen peroxide. it doesn't last long . . . and in some ways it feels so much better after. as though you've really solved a problem or something. know what i mean?

this came to mind last night. it feels as though the Lord has been dousing my heart with hydrogen peroxide. there are so many scratches, and festering wounds on my heart. i've fallen so often, and so hard . . . tumbled to a gruesome stop, and fallen outright on my face in disobedience. . . and in my tears i groan and cry out to God in pain. it burns. part of me says - just let the wound be. it will heal itself. but no - in my head, as well as my heart . . . i know that i will be for the better if I allow the Lord to clean it, bandage it, protect it, and heal it.

i'm learning. and i hope that what the Lord has been teaching me, will both encourage you . . . and challenge you to revist some memories. there are wounds He longs to heal, my friends. please . . . just let Him.