so undeservedly blessed

no matter how good my intentions are - i'm still not very good at this whole blogging thing. i don't want to bore you with meaningless writings - and so i usually just stay away from writing completely. where's the balance?

i've been working in the office at work lately, and it is so different then working on the fuel dock (duh) . . . the first couple days, i hated it. i thought it was the stupidest, most boring, meaningless job. well . . . its still not exciting, but its not the death row anymore. pretty much - i am the secretary for everyone in the office - so generally about 10 people. so there is usually always something to do. i answer phones, type papers up, mail letters, help customers (moorage, payments, and services we offer). by the end of the day, my brain is so mushed together from looking at a computer and numbers all day . . . but it is a job, and i still thank the Lord (not nearly enough though) that He has provided for me above and beyond my needs. He is so good.

it turns out though - that I am going back to full time fuel dock. just when i was starting to get used to the office :) but i am looking forward to being outside again, and being active.they are short handed down on the fuel dock, and so the supervisor has asked to have me back. i'm not sure when i will start full time officially - because for the next little while i am still back and forth between the two. [anyways . . . enough about that.]

this past weekend i had a chance to hang out with an old friend - and it made me realize just how much i am craving friendship right now. i've gone from living in such a small community at capernwray, enjoying the company of many close christian friends . . . to knowing no one but my co-workers. and we don't usually have the chance for any meaningful converstaions. so it was good to just relax and be myself and have fun this weekend - and i got the chance to go to church as well. which again, i really needed (wow God). i sat there, completely overwhelmed by the realness of God's love. and just how undeserving I am. it reminded me of a song, which says "who am I that You are mindful of me?"

no really. how did we come to be so blessed?

I am not skilled to understand how this is possible or even why . . . but this i KNOW - that He loves me and is in complete control of everything, both on Earth and in Heaven . . . He knows things about me that I don't know about myself nor want to. He hears and sees everything I do, and knows my thoughts, my intentions, and the deepest darkest places of my heart.
that is enough to think on for the rest of my life . . . and enough to be thankful for for the rest of eternity.